Send an Atheist to Seminary

I am often told that the only reason that I am an Atheist is because I shield myself from the religious side and follow science with blind faith. Obviously, these claims are baseless as none of these people (to my knowledge) have installed cameras or computer logging software to track my actions, but it occurred to me recently that this might actually be a testable claim (a rare event indeed amongst the religious crowd). Therefore, I have created this 'Send an Atheist to Seminary' campaign in order to carry this claim through a real-world test: I am ready and willing to attend a full Seminary 'education' in order to expose myself to 'the other side'. If I come out of it a Christian, then I will preach the Word of God until my dying day. I will renounce Atheism and anti-theism and will publicly debate any Atheist who is willing to do so.

There is a bit of a catch, however - I have a family, so not only do I need the funds to attend the Seminary (and all of the other costs associated with it), but my current income would necessarily need to be covered as well. Don't worry, it really isn't much.

It is my understanding that there might be one or two congregations in this country that have a little bit of excess disposable income, so I ask that all of you theists plead with your council, or elders or whatever, to donate funds towards this endeavor.

And remember, if I go through Seminary and come out an Atheist, then you've lost nothing, right? The money is going right back to a religious organization, and the rest is feeding a needy family (mine). If I come out a Christian, then you've successfully converted an Atheist and proven your claim about 'exposure to the right things'. It might even make the news (probably Fox News, but that's all right with me), which would be absolutely HUGE for you guys!

You don't have to worry about me taking the money and running. I see no reason why the money couldn't be paid directly to the Seminary school. Also, the income for my family can be withheld until it is confirmed that I have begun my seminary training. There are plenty of reasonable safeguards that can (and should) be implemented in order to make sure that I fulfill my end of the bargain.

In my opinion, the best way of determining which Seminary I will attend would be to actually bring this idea to as many of them as possible, and find out if any would be interested in entertaining the proposition. It would be completely reasonable for any religious organization to disallow me from entry, so it makes sense to me to actually start out with a list of schools which are willing to participate. Along the same lines, if any Seminary organization would like to sponsor this challenge, they might get some good publicity out of it.

So here is my question: Will anyone take me up on my offer?


  1. First off, your post is hysterical. Secondly, I'm actually an atheist at a seminary -- but, unfortunately, I'm the one paying for it. Seminaries -- the better, non-denominational ones -- are actually a great place to learn about religion, for those who have academic interests in such.


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